Cheating

I recently read a thought-provoking article in the April issue of Esquire Magazine. It was entitled “Why Men Cheat, an Explanation”. I found it to be very frank and informative. Here is the link so you can check out the article for yourself.
http://www.esquire.com/features/reasons-why-men-cheat-0410?click=main_sr

Before I go any further, I want to differentiate the run-of-the-mill infidelity from the Tiger Woods / Jesse James type infidelity. Theirs seems to follow the pattern of a true addiction. In my opinion, sexual addiction is an entirely different situation with its own set of behaviors and obstacles to overcome.

The author of the Esquire article (who is understandably anonymous) postulated that men cheat because it’s a way of doing something that is solely about them and their desires and not at all about how they are supposed to behave. So their cheating is actually self and life affirming in a way. The author also tried to cast some of the blame on current society and our having to work too many hours at often mind and soul numbing jobs. I don’t buy that part of it. I don’t at all believe that men’s proclivity to cheat is anything new or surprising.

Most men seem to want to have sex with almost any female, anytime, and it becomes a numbers game. Some will hit on twenty women in a day with the hope that sooner or later, one of the women will respond to their charms. I do agree with the author that marriage, and all of the expectations that go with it, is not a natural state for a man – especially the fidelity part. Men in general (I adore generalities) seem to be driven to have sex with different women, and this desire and/or actual sex can have nothing at all to do with how they feel about their partner.

Where does this leave me as a lover and writer of romance? The beauty of a romance novel is that it generally deals with the early stages of a relationship. For my taste, the courtship is tumultuous and intense – as is the sex. Generally, at the close of the book, the couple has accepted that they need to be together, have overcome some problem or obstacle, and have committed to each other. We get to have our happily ever after without delving into the day to day issues and blindsiding reality that can shake your very foundations as a couple. We also don’t have to watch our couple’s sex life mellow and become less and less frequent.

The romance novel is an idealized snapshot of a relationship that we get to hold close to us and keep in our psyche. We don’t have to let reality impinge on our fantasy.